Have you ever been, I don't know...20 minutes into Baggage on GSN and exclaimed, "Why am I watching this?!" I have. Just now. In fact, the episode is finishing up alongside this confession. I can't turn it off. Which soul-patched, sex-hungry bachelor is this 60-year-old woman with Barbie's face and her grand-daughter's clubbing dress going to choose?! It's like Cougar Town meets...well, The Jerry Spinger Show; which is no surprise here as the host is Springer himself and both shows are as scripted wedding vows, (and just about as vomit-worthy, too).
Out with the old & in with the... "seasonal bisexual"...?
I immediately turned on my U-Verse guide (shameless product placement) and began the search for something else, something better, something that will further the intelligent progression of my analytical brainwaves. I'm a college graduate, gosh-dangit! I have extensive knowlegde in Television Studies! I have an acquired taste for only exceptional programs! As I gave myself this internal beating I realized my brainwaves were anything but. They had no wave to 'em at all- just simple, straight lines with no pulse, begging for life-support!
As I read through History Channel, Discovery Channel, ID and msnbc's line up, the cocky voices of the contestants spewing attention-grabbing insults and over-the-top declarations kept drawing me back in. "What did he just say?" "Oh, god. Is she dancing?" So I caved. I CAVED. It didn't feel right guessing if all these things were happening, creating the images in my mind on my own. That's what TV is for, isn't it? Fill in the blanks where imagination lacks? Of course, otherwise I'd go read a book. Right? Right.
If I didn't watch it, I'd be thinking about it all night. "Who did she decide was the lesser of the two? Who? Who?" If I just finished this episode, all of this curiousity would simply dissipate. My guilt would be suspended in less than 10 minutes and I'd change the channel right after! Yes, this is what I'd do. This is what I did. But of course, since I started this post, the afformentioned episode has ended and a new one has begun...and you've guessed correctly. I have to see who she picks and I have to keep asking myself, "WHY AM I WATCHING THIS?"
Why are YOU watching this?
As I read through History Channel, Discovery Channel, ID and msnbc's line up, the cocky voices of the contestants spewing attention-grabbing insults and over-the-top declarations kept drawing me back in. "What did he just say?" "Oh, god. Is she dancing?" So I caved. I CAVED. It didn't feel right guessing if all these things were happening, creating the images in my mind on my own. That's what TV is for, isn't it? Fill in the blanks where imagination lacks? Of course, otherwise I'd go read a book. Right? Right.
If I didn't watch it, I'd be thinking about it all night. "Who did she decide was the lesser of the two? Who? Who?" If I just finished this episode, all of this curiousity would simply dissipate. My guilt would be suspended in less than 10 minutes and I'd change the channel right after! Yes, this is what I'd do. This is what I did. But of course, since I started this post, the afformentioned episode has ended and a new one has begun...and you've guessed correctly. I have to see who she picks and I have to keep asking myself, "WHY AM I WATCHING THIS?"
Why are YOU watching this?
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